i quit.

Ok, I admit that title might be a bit more attention-grabbing than truth, but the truth is, I'm just plain tired. I'm tired of counting points, and figuring out activity points, and working my ass off or slacking off and seeing the same results either way. I've been tracking everything for the last two months, and exercising at least 4 days every week for almost the same amount of time. I know the scale isn't always entirely truthful, but come on, can't I at least have an overall maintain? It's just not fair.

I decided something over the weekend. As stepping on the scale each day week has gotten increasingly difficult and disappointing, making me want to cry a little more each time,  I realized I needed to change something. Yes, I need to lose weight, and yes, I probably do need the plan to keep me on track in general, but lately my general happiness has been at stake (did someone say steak?) and that's just not flying.

Change #1: I will not step on the scale mid-week. I will only step on the scale Friday mornings, when it's time for weigh-in. I've even toyed with the idea of stepping on the scale but making someone else read it for me, take down the number and not tell me what it is. I'm a bit of a control freak though, so that may or may not happen.

Change #2: I'm making a real, honest-to-god, concerted effort to listen to my hunger signals. Since as long as I can remember, I have been graced with a super speedy chow time, and a mildly slow metabolism. These things do not make a great combination. The result of my quick eating is that my stomach doesn't feel full until about 10-15 minutes after I'm done, by which point I've already eaten too much and feel miserable. Learning to eat slower and really listen to my body has been an ongoing battle, but it has to happen sometime. I can't bring measuring cups to a restaurant and separate out portions. I have to learn to slow down, eat until satisfied, and move on. If I have leftovers, great! I love leftovers. It's not the end of the world if I don't finish my plate.

Change #3: I'm *gasp* not tracking. At least for a week. I want to see how I do. I would really rather not be tied down to a points system for the rest of my life. It's not that the concepts I've learned don't make for a sustainable lifestyle. I've been struggling with this for a while, and I really think it's the tracking specifically that I've had issues with. It's just so draining, after a while. This change is super dependent upon my success with Change #2, because if I don't stop myself from eating too much, then I'll well...eat too much. Pretty simple. This also hinges on my ability to keep up with my exercise routine, which so far has been going really well.

So far, I've been 2 full days without tracking and it feels very freeing. I ate just a little too much last night for dinner, but overall I've been really good. I also went to the gym both Saturday (1hr) and Sunday (40min). I'd really love for this to work out.

Since there aren't really any pictures that go with this post, I'm just going to give y'all a glimpse into Chester's first bath, which he got through with flying colors! And a little flying shampoo. But only a little.

pre-bath. Look how good he is, just sitting there!

 Why are you spraying me down with all this water? What did I ever do to you?

I can't decide if I'm enjoying this. What do you think of my hair-do?

Dry, fluffy Chester! He looks so pretty.

stuck in the mud

...that's what I feel like right now. Like I'm stuck in a big puddle of mud and I kind of want to get myself out but it's way easier to just sit there because I know when I leave the mud I'll have to like, clean up and make an effort to walk and move around and whatnot. That's kind of what my WLJ feels like right now. I've been stuck in the same friggin' decade since January, but I didn't even realize that until recently (which I've probably mentioned once or twice or a brazillian times but whatever it's my blog and you just have to deal with it). I made a small effort for like, a week, which is just not enough, in case you were wondering. Apparently weight loss is an ongoing effort? Who knew.

Now, I need change.

I'm ready to get out of the mud.

Tomorrow is my WI. I've decided to try Simply Filling finally. My eating habits, in terms of choices, are pretty in-line with Simply Filling anyway. The hardest part will be portion control, but even that I think I've gotten a much better handle on lately. If for no other reason than I just can't physically eat as much as I could 50lbs ago, I have better control over my portion sizes nowadays. If I try to conquer a large amount of food I just feel miserable afterwards and who wants that? It kind of negates the awesomeness of the meal.

I know it'll take a bit more effort on my part, but I just need to shake things up. I've randomly got some new motivation, and I'm going to take it without any questions. Don't question a good thing, right?

ps: see that picture there? That was taken 3 years ago. See that dress I'm wearing? That dress took my friend and I roughly an hour (ok maybe not that long, but it felt like it) to get zipped all the way up. See my arms? They're pretty gross. I was pretty uncomfortable that day, but I was so dang determined to wear that dress.

Well, I have a wedding coming up this weekend and guess what? I'm wearing that dress. It took me about 10 seconds to zip, and that's only because I caught my side in the zipper when I wasn't paying attention. Yes, I'm awesome. Pictures to come after the event! Being able to zip the dress was a great feeling. I have other items in my closet that I would love to fit back properly into. That's some good motivation right there.

You know what else is good motivation? Shopping.

either someone slipped an invisible brick onto my scale this morning...

...or I really gained 3lbs.

I deserved it. I pretty much did absolutely nothing that resembled a healthy, WW lifestyle this week.

Time to get my head back in this.

just like riding a bicycle...

Yesterday was my first day back at work. It's almost as if I never left, except for a few small changes. Changes like our closing time a couple days out of the week, which may seem minor when the day that changed is Thursday and yesterday was Tuesday, except that when a customer asks what time we close and I give the wrong time I look like an idiot. Changes like the type of plate we use for our calzones, which should be a non-issue since I'm a manager and technically don't have to stock anything, but becomes an issue when I tell people they need to keep up with their sidework, go grab plates myself, and am subsequently told by the pizza cook that no, we don't use those plates anymore. Crap. I'm awesome.

I also noticed how easily I started to slip back into my old eating habits. Remember those habits? The ones that caused me to gain roughly 30lbs in about 6 months? Crostini and croutons have points, people! You can't just snack on them all day and expect to get away with it. Sheesh. But just look at this menu. Who wouldn't gain a bunch of weight working here? The food is just so delicious. nom nom nom.

Yesterday I made myself a small bowl of grapes ("made" is a relative term. It's not like you have to cook grapes), and whenever I felt like eating croutons I had a few grapes. Worked pretty well! I did have some soup, but it's a bean soup and really point-friendly. Yes, I had pizza (*gasp*) yesterday for lunch, but today I had a veggie wrap! Yes, I had it with a side caesar salad, but I put the dressing on the side! It's amazing how little dressing you need when you control how much goes onto your salad. Notice how I said need, not want. I could totally eat like, 5x as much caesar dressing as they give me. I love the stuff. But it's about portion control, right? Who really needs a whole cup of dressing for like, 3 bites of salad? (I kid, I kid.)

Anyway, this time around it'll be different! I can totally control what I eat.

I think I can.

I think I can.

I think I can.

hakuna matata

Another thing I love? Disney movies. So much truth (and entertainment)!

This week, I gained. And not just .2, which I wouldn't even consider a gain. I gained 1.2lbs. I have several theories on this.

Theory 1: I didn't drink enough water.

The daily recommendation for water is 6-8 8oz glasses per day. However, I've also heard that you should drink roughly half your weight in oz of water. So really I should be drinking like 95oz instead of 48-64oz. I slacked this week. Did you know that coffee =/= water? Yeah. This week my goal is to refill my water bottle twice each day (so 3 32oz bottles).


<---Look at me, I love water!



Theory 2: My day of not eating finally caught up with me.

One day last week (well, 2 weeks ago but the week leading up to last week's weigh-in) I ate about 7pts the entire day. No I was not trying to starve myself. I just didn't feel well. That probably contributed to my loss last week, kind of how when you're sick you lose a bunch of weight. But just like when you're sick, I gained that weight back. It was a false loss. They say sometimes it takes a week for your eating habits to catch up with you. I guess I had it coming.

Theory 3: I ate all of my weeklies and a couple APs, and ate some of them on Monday.

Normally I use my weeklies Fri/Sat, and maybe a few on Sunday. It doesn't seem to matter how many of them I use; if I only use them the first couple days of my week, I lose at WI. That's just the pattern I've gotten into, and it works for me. It encourages me to eat really well most days and only indulge when I really feel the need to. But not whenever I want to. See the difference? It teaches me restraint. What a concept!

I came up with these theories this morning while I was a bit miffed about the gain. Justification always makes me feel better, if only temporarily. This week, I'm trying something new. In addition to tracking normally (I write everything down in a notebook in addition to tracking online, which stemmed from an unreliable internet source but has now turned to habit), I'm going to track how many filling foods I'm eating. So next to the points value for every food I'm noting if it's SFT. I'm also adding up both sets of points. Eventually I'd like to transition to doing Simply Filling, but the last time I tried it I failed miserably. This time I want to be prepared!

SO. I'm leaving last week behind and focusing on the new week ahead of me.

Hakuna Matata!

on APs...

I've been a slacker this week. Yes, my tracker says I've earned 8APs since Friday, but they're kind of (in my opinion) fake APs. As in, I've been tracking any walking I'm doing as long as it's more than 10 minutes. But I don't really feel like I deserve to track that, because I do a lot of walking and most of the time I don't bother tracking it. I can tell I've been slacking in the AP department when I start tracking my walking. Boo hiss.

Yes, I wanted to heal my legs. But they don't hurt anymore. That means I have no more excuses! And really, I do enjoy running.
<----see? I love running! (Taken after my first 5k in Greenwich Park last weekend)





Do me a favor guys. Tomorrow, ask me if I ran! With any luck, I'll be able to tell you that it rocked, instead of mumbling something about the casserole burning and having to cut our conversation short...